Banana Report #4: January 1999.

This edition of TBR will be shorter than usual because I am on summer vacation. During class time I also have shorter than usual editions. I can make up my own rules as I go along.

In the past month:

• Bill Clinton proved he can sucesfully drop 2 things:
  1. bombs
  2. his pants.
  [This joke originally appeared 3 months ago in the first edition of The Banana Report. This is a repeat joke.]

• Two people drowned in the annual Sydney-Hobart yacht race. And now for our Spanish readers: Dous porvevore al stupido sailor toot-toot Sydney e Hobart floaty-floaty endeley, carked it.

• The #1 movie for the Christmas period was the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan romantic comedy "You've got Mail". This enchanting film follows the lives of two real life rivals who serenade each other in cyberspace. Critics and audiences alike have largely enjoyed the film, despite the fact it contains a major fault that is hard to overlook: EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET IS UGLY.

• If Bill Clinton loses his job as US President, or even his pension, it is rumoured he may be offered a high level job at DreamWorks studios by his close friend Steven Speilberg. His possible jobs could include:
  1. Adviser to directors on movies about presidents
  2. Public Relations Manager
  3. Catering Administrator
  4. Intern Director

• Also last month, everyone in Iraq was treated to a FREE fireworks show paid for the US Taxpayer.

• And now, a message to Steve Fossett and Richard Branson: GIVE UP, YOU RICH STUBOURN SONS OF BITCHES.

• And finally, a poem: It's Winter in Russia again But Boris Yeltsin doesn't even have any idea what year it is.